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OLDER, ALONER, AFRAIDER - CHILDLESS EH?


True love this, you know?


Finally I'm writing my new blog piece. It's been a while since me and her were last seen alive on here.


I was going to bleat on about the horror of 'the house move' and everything therein. But, thankfully for any readers left, I changed my mind.


We're talking old person(s) here and olderly aloners. I'll tell you what you need what you really, really need in times of extremities like a house move. Solid, family member or plural if you're proper lucky. The one thing someone like myself, and many of you, do not have.


The old adage we've been carting around for a while now and I'm pinching from the charity of the same name - ageing without children.


Sometimes, I thought I was going to go under with the weight of work. I left half my stuff behind at my old house, forgot to read the meters so had the humbling task of returning the next day to the owners, formerly known as 'buyers', to retrieve. Readers I had no room in the darn car. Everything got stuffed in and kept in by the vehicle doors. Once the door opened everything fell out again.


In our first cottage at Docking, North Norfolk. After a satisfying, long walk around the village and taking a rest by the old animal pound. Where they used to lock up stray cows, dogs, sheep way back in the day. Lovely, lovely afternoon.


We've been in beloved North Norfolk for a couple of months but have come back to unbeloved Lincolnshire as I need to buy a house and possibly some sort of holiday place in Norfolk, also.

Wells next the Sea, Brancaster, Burnham Market and Thorpe, Docking, Snettisham - we've done 'em all. Thrice bliss. But mighty pricey so back to the drawing board go we.


Some of the adventures or insights we (I say 'we") caught: dozens of pushchairs with young kids three storey high and six wide along Wells Next the Sea main street and harbour walk. Pushed by male partner, usually with female and often hangers on tagging behind. Plus the inevitable cocker poo. You can imagine you don't need too many of them to make a 'flush'. I swear we were the only onesies. No, really, we were.

When people talk about 'meeting like minded folk' when all and sundry has family etcetera, what room is there for me and her? Let's be realistic here. It's great folk do have familial support and that includes within group settings. But if you don't?


Like deja vu in an ever decreasing crcle isn't it?


Walking the peaceful lanes around Burnham Thorpe, North Norfolk, where I'd lived for a while some years ago. Like going back in time. Thorpe was the birthplace of Admiral Lord Nelson and we'd just walked past his old house.


The subject of being childless is a massive one and gaining legs, thank goodness. Thanks to some amazing people doing amazing work out in the field. You know who they are without me telling you.

My issue is all about being childless and thus - familyless, aloneness. Ageing. Getting old. And I've realised as I've journeyed, many of those aloners are disabled in some way. Possibly childless also.


I feel such an affinity with the subject of being totally alone through childlessnes, disabilities, ageing that it's getting to me.

You see, it can be quite hard to converse with someone on the subject of being childless, familyless and ageing if the other person isn't of the same heading.

At the heart of it is being without children - no doubt about it. Wisping off as sub headings follows 'no one' as a big holler. 'No one' - hear that? No one to discuss things with. Big things like buying a house. Duh!


The word 'friends' will be bandied about next. Most of my friends have families or partners and are younger than I. I love them all dearly. But I swear they wish I'd make my blasted mind up so they don't have to.


You can't blame them for feeling frustrated at my notorious indecision. But no one understands you like family do they?


Taking a rest outside the church of St Margaret's Church, Burnham Norton. There are five villages/hamlets that make up The Burnhams - Norton, Thorpe, Overy, Sutton, Ulph and Westgate and the well known Burnham Market. All of them truly beautiful. If you've never been to North Norfolk you should go - now


So me and Lil 'talk'. Someone has to. You cannot advise a person because YOU think it's a good idea. Who for? You? My bygone friends now long bygone (please - another 'don't ask'. One day I'll tell) knew me so well. 'Not for you' they'd say. But sometimes, now, it feels like I might be acting inconveniently - I s'pose I am. Sorry about that.


I am alone. Like so many of you. We don't like to make fusses, we aloners. But I fear we must. Otherwise we're subconsciously apologising for ourselves - our aloner status.


You know at some stage I'm going to spill proverbial oil on 'join something' from the back of the room. I have joined as you all know. Doesn't work for me but it might do somewhere else? Doubt it but don't be negative Trish. Do what the 'normal' people tell you.


We must talk loudly about this. I'm trying to on twitter but my relevant tweet disappeared into the ether never to be seen again. Clearly not Elon's thing?


How do you feel, not just about being without children, which is almost always devastating as we all know. But being alone in the world? Ageing without family or children, or partner?

I will emote - being childless is enormously emotional and flooring. Being childless, ageing, alone without anyone is frightening. Lonely. Pushed aside. Forgotten. Inconvenient.


( It is possible, especially on twitter, any talk of the above will be hi jacked by some of the childfree who will, of course, be swinging from the chandaliers in some god forsaken far off land singing 'I am what I am' because they're so darned happy. Right?). Some childfree are not so happy as they age. Not necessarily because they regret their decision so much as a creeping situation that has evolved into a sometime issue. Join the gang. No please - join the gang - love to have you.


A Lincolnshire photo this one. An afternoon spent at Old Bolingbroke Castle ruins. The birthplace of King Henry V! of Bolingbroke. I don't think he lived there long before some battle or other took his fancy.


Anyway, listen up...


Going slightly off piste but actually still very much on message:

Something big has clearly happened to me. Hit me like a boulder - and I'm floundering a bit. What is it? If I was going into clairvoyant mode I'd say something even bigger is about to happen and not just to me. Maybe it's called exposure? Not of me guv - I ain't done nuffink. But it won't be a pretty sight I'll tell you that. Recently, on a zoom call with a professional re: financial investment, I was asked: 'who the hell are you?' I'd been emoting on this above subject. Got carried away I expect (some say 'should be'). She meant it though. Perhaps, judging by her expression, she was expecting ectoplasm to engulf us both. Don't be so silly. I"ve not pulled that trick for decades.


Well now…you tell me…I'm not part of the three letter, alphabet soup gang, living underground, I can tell you that. Nutters. (They won't read this, don't worry 😉 ).


'Good grief Terry, she's gone barmy on us' a faint shout from the back of the room.


My life has become an isolated existence. Almost like it's meant to be.


My social media nowadays, is slowly sliding into never never land. Almost like I don't exist. Or someone wishes I didn't.

Pauses….

And back in situ - THAT my friends is proper ageing without children.


Not always a pretty sight and not for everyone. At least - I hope not.


As the song goes 'It's a Mystery!' No - really - it is. 'What is' did someone say? 'Current' is a mystery. Perhaps it's a cover for real reality and AI is going to blow it all wide open. There you go - you can have that.

Watch, wait, learn. Hopefully not but, one day, you might find yourselves saying 'remember that there Trish woman? Didn't she say something about ...?'

We'll be back with more subversive and incoherent psychobabble very soon.

In the meantime, as I morph into Russell Brand, say what you see. Don't ever be afraid to tell your fears or emotions. Not on this site, at any rate. Anything goes here as you may have gathered. Say it as you feel it, good people…

See yer…


Now this one is not far from our holiday cottage at Brancaster Staithe and we were lucky enough to have the well known footpath Peddars Way across the road. So, much to Lil's delight, we took a stroll along it and the vast expanse of Brancaster beach, the North Sea and the nature reserve spread all in front of us.

We visited the seaside resort of Hunstanton, North Norfolk for an afternoon. To be honest we walked way further than intended so I suggested to her we take a rest. If you look very carefully you will see her on top of the boulder with the beautiful red cliffs of Hunstanton in the background











































2 comments

2 Comments


patricia.faulks
patricia.faulks
Jun 19, 2023

Thanks Kate. Great to hear from you. She always looks like that wherever she is. We've just done a ''photo shoot' this afternoon and I have never had an animal so camera averse as her. See a camera, reverse or show backside to the lens. It can be brutal on our 'shoots' I tell you 😅

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Kate Gwynne
Kate Gwynne
Jun 19, 2023

I like the article, Trish, and I also love your long blue dress!! In the last photo of Lilley, she looks as if she has landed on another planet and is basking in the sun of another universe. The landscape is so different to where I am. That's how my mind sees things. Lol. xx

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