A walk along the Spa Trail, the old railway line, at Woodhall Spa, Lincolnshire. A rather inspiring stroll for me and Lil.
A catch up with a friend over coffee and lunch lead to this so blame her. Ageing and sex. There you have it folks….
Where to start? Well, I guess I can only speak from experience. Lucky readers.
I could answer 'how the bloody hell would I know?' If you get my gist. For my late partner died some years ago and I've neither looked for nor been touted by anyone else.
How I've felt about having no sex life has never entered my psyche. But now that J has mentioned it, it just has. I can't stop considering the subject matter.
I wondered if I should research and decided I must in the immediate future. But first, I'll begin with myself.
It has struck me over the past years I should be doing something about the physical side of things - like going on dating sites. Creeping about match.com purely on the sexual lookout or pull. Let's put that one to bed right now.
Being honest, over the years, I have wondered if it's healthy to have no sex life whatsoever. And not had one for a bloody long time - there I said it.
To quote the quote 'bovvered?' I wasn't before J told me to write about this stuff, now I'm a bit miffed. Does it seem as if others are living some sexual life of debauchery and you are living the sexual life of Mother Teresa? I can tell you others are not raving it up every Friday night after a meal out at Nandos. Worse than that - many, who are with partners - are living the same monastic life as you and I. That seems worse somehow but not sure.
And therein lies the root of it - expectations. Again.
Me and Lil's version of 'street corner' is taking a break along the Spa Trail, near the town of Woodhall Spa, Lincolnshire. Sitting In one of the amazing sculptures, some wooden (like this one) some ironworks, that are placed along the six mile stretch of the walk. Did we thunk? We got waylaid by the buzzards circling the fields behind. Nature always wins...
This is why I do admire, indeed envy, our young folk clinically examining their sexuality and making up their own minds. So much I miss about my past, long ago times but I do not miss hanging round the disco on a Friday night, circling the handbags, willing your current 'longing' to invite you join him in a joint version of hippy hippy shake (yes alright I'm that old). How the hell do kids meet nowadays, by the way? The discos are vintage, dances - what? Parties are drug dens (I've heard). How do they ever meet? No wonder it seemed gender fluidity might be the way forward. I'm all for it, by the way.
I've asked my younger friends about their kids' sex lives (shut it at the back - it's the only way I get 'sex talk' nowadays). Seems todays kids are not that bothered.
But J, at lunch, told me so many (too many?) get their kicks via hardcore online porn. Which both sickens and frightens me. She has both grown up children and grandchildren. She knows stuff.
So we spoke about sex. How ones needs change as one ages (I think that's correct? For some, maybe it doesn't change). What the hell does one do as one ages and all the decent men are taken?
(An aside: obviously I'm talking about we women on our own, here. We all know the decent men are taken. The minute a half desirable bloke steps outside his front door some bloody woman will slip a choke collar on him. I said this before. Whether it be in a work environment or retirement you and I, dear readers, will lose out. How do they do it? I've not worked that one out yet but if you've got ideas please do write in. 'How to slip a choke chain on an available man within his first two days of freedom'. So, we remainers are left with the 'rest').
As we leant against the farm gate on the South Ormsby Estate walk (one of our favourites as some will know by now) we noticed the herd of Lincoln Red cattle (heading towards us actually so not a lot of time to thunk, again) mixing, flirting, mating. Easy for animals isn't it? Not suggesting we copulate on some ad hoc basis but I do wonder if we create barriers to new friendships? I'm pretty sure I do. Another chat, another time perhaps.
Actually, here's a thing - meandlilley were on one of our walks the other week (it'll all be in glorious technicolour somewhere on this site) and we did get talking to a very pleasant man. He was widowed, he lived in the area, he wasn't George Clooney but heigh ho. He was taller than me (always a good start), he didn't possess a beer belly and his residential neighbourhood was very respectable. He owned his house. I mean - come on.
So, dear readers - what to do? We walked together for a half mile back to my car. It then got awkward. We were near to a decent cafe you'd have thought wouldn't you? Here's the dilemma of the (by now) inexperienced elder.
Me: 'Lovely to meet you'.
Him: 'And you. Might see you again sometime, walking along here?'
Me: 'Absolutely. Bye'.
If only for a friendship chat, why the hell didn't we just nip to the cafe for a cup of tea?
We are older, it had clearly been a long time since either of us had 'chatted up' (for want of another phrase) someone we liked, so we stalled and lost the moment.
And here's the other thing. I didn't ask but from little things he'd said (or maybe didn't say) I got the feeling he had no children. I know friend J will tell me that with kids you get to know the 'score' as it were. What to do, how to do it. Talk the talk.
Should I have flung myself over the farm gate in abandon-style? Lilley stood like a small befuddled sheep, in the way? What an idiot. Whatever pose I was going for it wasn't this one but it fits the narrative, I guess. Shan't use it again, I promise.
No, seriously, is this what one needs to do? Somebody say....
We childless have no measure, no one to really talk it through with. It's no big deal is it? But, at that moment I felt very lost. Ever so chuffed that someone had interested me sufficiently to perk me up. I thought that had disappeared southwards along with most of my muscle tone. .
Look, I'm not laying all this at the door of childlessness. But there's something rather bleak about being unable to phone your child, grandchild and ask advice. Just sit alone and ruminate. It's silly isn't it?
Then I go back to me and J's conversation about sex, in general. She gets to talk openly about the subject on every single level with her kids, grandkids. Like many families nowadays the many divergent tales of sex are widely discussed. No barriers. What a great thing that is. So older men and women who have families are clued up. Open to suggestions perhaps open to being chatted up. They've talked about it with the kids.
I can honestly say I'm not - open to suggestions or 'offers' - that is.
I don't get any, and
I wouldn't recognise it if I did
Not anymore. I was when much younger but now I'm like a gormless 1940s maiden aunt. Because I have no family. To keep me on point.
I don't know. No answers by the looks of my face.
We were sat on the banks of the River Witham, near Kirkstead Bridge, Woodhall Spa. The river flows to Boston before swishing out to the mighty Wash.
I dropped my camera yesterday and now it won't turn itself on.
Oh dear, will have to go back to those two lovely chaps at Cleethorpes camera shop now. Honestly. The hardship...
As I say, I think I might approach a professional on this subject and perhaps be able to publish the results on these pages. Sex - not just for olders - for aloners. The childless.
I've been saying for years I'm done with all that. Another man? Get away with it. Huh - you joking?
I believe I'm wrong - in my case at any rate. Of course I can't speak for all of you.
So it brings me on to my next dilemma. How the hell do we meet these potential partners? You see another thing I've come across is younger family members often 'know someone' they introduce to their mum or dad. So, that's the childless crossed out again.
You know, it can be such a solitary life being ageing and alone.
A lonely spot on a footpath near a village called Burwell, Alford, Lincolnshire. Some of the best views. I find, at times like this solitary one, thoughts tumble out and do their best to reassemble into some sort of meaning. Did they, I hear you ask? Guess...
What I will say is this - so often me and her are like this photo. Alone, meditating whilst in motion, chat would be surplus. You get so used to it. I guess it's how hermits are born. Saying...
Do I place some sort of facility on here - these pages - whereby we can chat together? I would insist men join. I couldn't, repeat couldn't, sustain another female only forum. Also where LGBQT members join. Please join.
I'm being serious. Please tell me what you want. If nobody writes in (and don't forget justmeandlilley Facebook page, Instagram page, Twitter) we won't progress with this. No matter.
It appears I'm talking sex. A word I never thought I'd be using ever again. Actually, there is no obligation for a 'friendship', 'relationship', and so on, to end in sex, anyway - is there? But it started out with me and friend J discussing the subject. I got chatty about it. We felt it worthy of a 'piece'. Here it is…
We love to write our daft thoughts and deeds down. We so hope you enjoy the wordage. We don't half try hard. Finally, we love you dear readers. You have no idea how much your support and comments mean to us. Lots of 'we' but actually it's for YOU. Many kisses and hugs xxx
A Little Bit of Sinister
There's just one more thing - my blog posts were doing very well and I loved that many folk seemed to be reading them (judging by the numbers showing). Then numbers dropped. Dramatically. Next post dropped again. Last post hardly worth posting. I realise this is life and folk dip in and out of these pages. Numbers go up and down. But not that much. Almost like they were being altered. It's worrying. I fear someone is out there watching and sabotaging. Don't let it be you, whoever you are. No likey no lighty - go away and leave us alone. Thank you.
Is it because someone doesn't want me out there.? Why on earth would that be? So that I give up?
I feel a story brewing…
She promised me my LilleyWrites. I've written two parasites. Not that I'm feds up or anything but I will say this to my fans (memum said I had fans. That sent me over the hedge that did). There's things you need to know. Time I had me time. Stuff is coming....from me to you. Thank you. I loves you xxx